A while ago, I watched a documentary made in Britain about people deemed “mechaphiles”—people who are sexually attracted to cars.  The documentary is called My Car Is My Lover, and you can watch it here.  Let’s just say that when these people talk about “taking it up the tail pipe,” they mean it literally.

There are a lot of weird and interesting things that one can analyze about this condition.  Why do some of the cars have male names versus female names?  What does this say about their sexuality?  Why does that one guy never take off his fuzzy-eared hat?

There’s one thing, however, that perturbs me the most.

In the movie, one of the two mechaphiles that the documentarians follow makes a comment that if someone gave him a car to do whatever he wanted with it, he would “take it home and rape it silly.”  Obviously, rape is wrong.  But, as the title of this post says, is it wrong to rape a car?  Is it even possible to rape a car?

A car is an inanimate object and can’t feel anything that the person raping it would be doing to it.  But rape is based on consent—if there is none, then it’s rape.  A car can’t consent, so that would mean sex with a car is rape.  But sometimes, the sex that the mechaphiles dream up is consensual.  Sometimes they just call it a form of masturbation.  Besides, saying that a car can’t consent is just like saying a vibrator can’t consent, or Kleenex.

Perhaps it all has to do with how observers see it.  I don’t want to be an observer to car-rape though.

I’m really tired and just saw Hair on Broadway.  It was awesome, and now I’m going to go to bed.

• Crunchwrap Supreme
• Volcano Taco
• Chalupa
• Potato Chips
• Hot dog
• Cheeseburger
• Soda
• Fudgie the Whale Ice Cream Cake
• Cupcake
• Volcano Burrito
• Mexican Pizza
• Disco Fries

Watch out Blue Dogs…

I love Baja Fresh.  Sometimes I just feel the need to say it.  I LOVE BAJA FRESH.  I can’t understand why anyone would settle for the shit they peddle as edible food at Chipotle.

Settle, peddle, edible.  Slant rhyming it up.

As a two-time champion of the Burrito Dos Manos Challenge, I feel obliged to express my disappointment at some of the changes going on at Baja.

First off, I don’t think they have the Dos Manos anymore.  Not even the actual burrito, much less the challenge.  Where else am I going to get to eat four pounds of the greatest foodstuffs on Earth without this delicious monstrosity?

The coupons have changed too.  It used to be that Baja would send out “get $5 off any order of $10 or more” coupons.  Now, they’ve upped it to “get $5 off any order of $15 or more.”  What one person spends $15 at Baja Fresh, especially since they took the Dos Manos off the menu?  Pisses me off.

On the receipts, Baja used to give a phone number to call where you’d take a survey in exchange for a free pronto guac.  Those were the best.  Now, the survey is in exhange for a free small drink.  I’m calling out this utter, utter bullshit.  I HAVE A BAJA FRESH SPORTS CUP!  I DON’T NEED A FREE FUCKING SMALL DRINK!  GET BACK TO NORMAL, BAJA!

That being said, Baja is still the best.